She Comes in Threes: Reality’s Plotlines Are the Three Stations of Eros: Trialectics Are the Structure of Cosmos

One Mountain Oral Essays Volume 24

She Comes in Threes: Reality's Plotlines Are the Three Stations of Eros: Trialectics Are the Structure of Cosmos | One Mountain Many Paths Oral Essays Volume 24 | Dr. Marc Gafni

Reality is not merely a fact; Reality is a story. Reality is not an ordinary story; Reality is a love story. Reality is not an ordinary love story; Reality is an Evolutionary Love story.
The plotline of the story is the Evolution of Love. This plotline follows a pattern. This pattern is not dialectical (two) but trialectical (three). The pattern is the Three Stations of Eros. The Three Stations of Eros is the core pattern of Reality.
In Solomon lineage of Hebrew mysticism these Three Stations are called submission, separation and sweetening. In developmental psychology, the same meta phenomenology is referred to as identification, dis-identification, and re-identification (integration). These are the mysterious triads of the evolution of love. They describe the three stations of consciousness which an awake person evolves through in virtually every sphere of life.

We all recognize this pattern as it appears in our own lives, for example, in reference to our direct experience of falling love.
Station one: We fall in love. Station two: We experience separation. We lose access to the feeling of being in love.
Station three: we find our way back—we fall in love again, this time with greater depth and wholeness. At this third station we are quite literally lived as love. The Three Stations of Eros apply not only to falling in love but to all domains of life.

The capacity to recognize the Three Stations—to stay in and to not get derailed at station two, but instead to deepen, ascend and transform into station three—is the single most important skill we need to live a great life, to be truly successful, or to put it more clearly, to be lived as great Love.

Each sequence of the Three Stations of Love is a unique vector in the evolution of love, the irreducibly unique journey of Eros which is the purpose of a unique human life. The particular tone and texture, the unique potency and exquisiteness in each unique human journey directly participates in the evolution of love in Cosmos.

Published by World Philosophy and Religion Press in conjunction with Integral Wisdom Publishers. 

Book details:

Title: She Comes in Threes: Reality’s Plotlines Are the Three Stations of Eros: Trialectics Are the Structure of Cosmos
Author: Dr. Marc Gafni
Series: Oral Essay Series – Volume 24
Publisher: World Philosophy and Religion Press in conjunction with Integral Wisdom Publishers.
ISBN-13: 979-8888340738
Formats: Paperback, e-book, audiobook.

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Table of Contents

CHAPTER 1    SHE COMES IN THREES

  • The Whole World Is Submission, Separation and Sweetness
  • Station One/Submission: Falling in Love
  • Falling in Love Is One of the Structures of Cosmos
  • Station Two/Separation: I Step Out
  • Healthy Development Is to Transcend and Include
  • Station Three/Sweetening: Being Lived as Love
  • The Arc of the Three Stations Meanders
  • The Three Stations: Certainty and Uncertainty
  • Station Two—Separation: Uncertainty
  • Station Three—Sweetness: Certainty
  • Pre-Personal, Personal, and Transpersonal
  • Pre-Tragic, Tragic, and Post-Tragic
  • Station One: Pre-Tragic
  • Station Two: Tragic
  • Station Three: Post-Tragic
  • Simplicity, Complexity, Second Simplicity
  • For Successful Transmission to the World, Distinctions Matter
  • Greater Is the Wisdom That Comes From Folly
  • We Need a Reconstruction of the Best Qualities of the Previous Periods
  • Pre-Tragic, Tragic, and Post-Tragic: Revisited
  • Pre-Tragic, Tragic and Post-Tragic Sexuality
  • We Need a Post-Tragic Sexual Narrative
  • Distinctions: Knowings of the Body, Heart and Mind
  • Simplicity, Complexity, Second Simplicity
  • Separate Self, True Self, Unique Self
  • Station One: Western Enlightenment, Separate Self
  • Station Two: Mystical Enlightenment, True Self
  • Station Three: Unique Self
  • You Are an Irreducibly Unique Expression of True Self
  • We Need to Disambiguate Between Separateness and Uniqueness
  • Reality Is a Love Story
  • Towards a Post-Tragic, New Source Code of Meaning
  • Stations One and Three Look the Same on the Outside, but Their Interior Quality Is Completely Different

CHAPTER 2    LIVING BEYOND COMPLEXITY

  • Setting the Context: Theory Is a Form of Loving
  • Three Stations of Eros
  • Simplicity, Complexity and Second Simplicity
  • The First Station: Simplicity
  • The Second Station: Complexity
  • Station Three: Second Simplicity
  • Knowing, Not Knowing, Knowing
  • In Station Two of Complexity, We’ve Forgotten the Storyline
  • The Collapse of the Great Story of Premodernity
  • Station Two of Complexity: Other Than Classical Science, Ultimate Knowledge Is Not Available
  • Transcending Complexity and Reweaving a Higher Story
  • Reclaiming a Framework for Our Experience
  • Interpreting Our Experience Through Pre/Trans Distinctions
  • Application of First Simplicity, Complexity, Second Simplicity: The Tsunami in Japan
  • Station One Simplicity: Theodicy: Explanations for Suffering
  • Station Two Complexity: Rejection of First Simplicity
  • Station Three: Second Simplicity
  • Every Great Social Movement: I Incarnate Justice in the World

PART TWO: ONE MOUNTAIN, MANY PATHS

CHAPTER 3    LOVE OR DIE

  • Setting Our Intention
  • Overview: Eros Is No Longer a Luxury—It’s Love Or Die
  • What Is Eros?
  • Existential Risk: the Second Shock of Existence
  • Generator Functions for Existential Risk
  • The Deconstruction of Intrinsic Value
  • The Deconstruction of Value Is the Deconstruction of Intimacy
  • The Evolution of Love Is the Telling of a New Story

CHAPTER 4    SHE COMES IN THREES: THE HOLY, THE BROKEN, AND THE HALLELUJAH

  • The Power of Love Must Claim Its Love Of Power
  • To Challenge Surveillance Capitalism We Need First Principles And First Values
  • In the Absence of a Shared Story, Win-Lose Metrics Prevail
  • Heroes Are the Early Adopters of Homo Amor
  • Evolutionary Love Code: She Comes in Threes
  • Tripleness: From Contradiction to Paradox
  • A New Emergence From Autonomy and Communion
  • A New Emergence From Beauty and Ugliness
  • Hallelujah: Pristine Praise Together With Drunken Intoxication
  • The Koan Is Resolved in the Third Possibility
  • A New Emergence From Certainty and Uncertainty
  • A Shared Narrative Has to Be From Tripleness
  • Prayer to the Infinity of Power and the Infinity of Intimacy

CHAPTER 5    OUR HIGHEST PURPOSE IS NO PURPOSE

  • The Fundamental Breakdowns Are Based On A Collapse of Value
  • We Tremble Before Evolution to Manifest a New Expression Of Intimacy
  • Evolutionary Love Code: Our Highest Purpose Is No Purpose
  • Opening Up Makes Transformation Possible
  • I Am Opening Up in Sweet Surrender to the Luminous Love Light of the One
  • Continuity and Discontinuity in the Evolutionary Chain
  • Love Is Both Purposeful and No-Purpose
  • The Glory of No-Purpose

CHAPTER 6    ODE TO EVOLUTIONARY JOY: THE HIGHER UNION OF A BROKEN HEART AND RADICAL ALIVENESS

  • We Need First Principles and First Values to Orient Ourselves At This Time Between Worlds
  • We Are Here to Tell a New Story Ontologizing Love
  • Evolutionary Love Code: Joy Is a First Principle of Cosmos
  • A Prerequisite to Joy Is to Understand That Life Is Not Over When It’s Over
  • The Intimate Universe Knows Your Name
  • Prayer: We Turn to the Infinite Intimate, the Ultimate Personhood of Reality
  • Joy Is a First Principle of Cosmos
  • Joy Is the Natural Byproduct of Living My Unique Self
  • There’s No Contradiction Between a Broken Heart and Radical Joy
  • Ode to Joy
  • Joy Breaks Through All Gates
  • Your Joy Births Reality

CHAPTER 7    ODE TO EVOLUTIONARY JOY: THE NEXT STEP

  • Our Intention Is to Articulate the New Story Based on the Best Information We Have in Cosmos Today
  • Poised Between Utopia and Dystopia, We Must Access Evolutionary Love and Redirect the Course of History
  • Evolutionary Love Code: the First Principle of Joy
  • The God You Don’t Believe in Doesn’t Exist
  • Reality Seeks Ever Greater Intimacies
  • In Prayer We Turn to the Infinity of Intimacy Who Knows Our Name
  • Evolutionary Love Code: The First Principle of Joy
  • The Joy Equation
  • Aliveness Is When You’re Far From Equilibrium and Receiving Inputs All the Time
  • We Need to Be Able to Stay Open to Receive New Inputs Of Joy
  • When I’m in My Utter Uniqueness I Become a Puzzle Piece That Is Joined With Everyone Else
  • Even a Minor Fluctuation Point Jumps All of Reality to a Higher Level of Consciousness
  • Joy Is a Byproduct of Living My Unique Self
  • The Deeper That Sorrow Carves Into Your Being, the More Joy You Can Contain

CHAPTER 8    THE QUALITY AND FEELING OF HOMO AMOR: INCARNATING THE THIRD BEYOND POLARITIES

  • We Move From Homo Sapiens to Homo Amor
  • Homo Amor Is the Unique Expression of Eros and Evolution Awakened to Itself
  • A Planetary Awakening in Love Through Unique Self Symphonies
  • Our Intention Is to Evolve a New Story, Woven From First Principles and First Values
  • The Interior of Consciousness Is Outrageous Love
  • Outrageous Love Code: the Quality of the Outrageous Lover Is the Third Beyond Paradox
  • Personhood Is a Core Quality of Cosmos
  • Why Did the One Manifest the Many? To Bring Forth New Dimensions of the One
  • We Are the Liberators of Divinity
  • The Infinity of Intimacy Turns to Us and Says: I Need You Desperately
  • Homo Amor: Beyond the Paradox

CHAPTER 9    THE RESPONSE TO PERSONAL CRISIS AND META-CRISIS IS THE EVOLUTION OF RELATIONSHIP AND THE EVOLUTION OF LOVE: THE RISE OF WHOLE MATE RELATIONSHIPS

  • God Loves Stories
  • Choosing to Tell the Most Accurate Story
  • A New Chapter in the New Story: Whole mate Relationships
  • Evolutionary Love Code: We Are Confronted by Crisis
  • Every Crisis Is Solved by a New Structure of Intimacy
  • The Evolution of Relationship
  • From Role mate to Soul mate
  • Soul-mate Contract Without a Role-mate Dimension Doesn’t Work
  • From Soul mate to Whole mate
  • The Meta-Crisis Begins to Be Resolved by a New Form Of Relationship

CHAPTER 10    THE URGENT NEED FOR WHOLE MATE RELATIONSHIPS, PART 2

  • Outside the Field of Value, No One Is Human Anymore
  • There Is a Straight Line From Postmodernism to School Shootings
  • We Desperately Need to Reconstruct the Field of Value
  • Evolutionary Love Code: From Role mate to Soul mate to Whole mate
  • The Tragedy of Soul mates
  • I Love You Means I Choose to Need You
  • Reconfiguring Reality by Reconfiguring Humanity

PART THREE: FORMAL WRITINGS

CHAPTER 11    THE THREE STATIONS OF EROS MODEL

  • Station One: Submission Or Identification
  • Station Two: Separation Or Dis-Identification
  • Station Three: Sweetness Or Re-Integration
  • Station Three Is an Entirely Different Quality From Station One
  • An Example of Station One/ Station Three Fallacy: Eros, Ethics, Eros

CHAPTER 12    THE THREE STATIONS OF EROS MODEL IN DEVELOPMENTAL PSYCHOLOGY

  • Station One of Eros: Identification
  • How It Applies to Love: Station One: Falling in Love
  • Station Two of Eros: Dis-Identification/ Individuation
  • How It Applies to Love: Station Two of Eros: Falling Out of Love
  • Station Three of Eros: Re-Integration
  • How It Applies to Love: Station Three—Falling in Love Again, Being Lived as Love

CHAPTER 13    STATION THREE OF EROS: THE AWAKENING OF THE OUTRAGEOUS LOVER

  • Station Three of Eros: I’m Your Man
  • Station Three of Eros: Where Giving and Receiving Merge
  • Station Three of Eros: Being Lived as Outrageous Love
  • The Three Stations of Eros: Poems of Hafiz
  • Station Two of Eros: Falling Out of Love: Two Poems by Hafiz
  • Station Three of Eros: Lived as Love: A Poem by Hafiz

CHAPTER 14    LOVE IS IN THE DETAILS

  • She Comes in Threes Is Not the Three Persons Or the Three Faces of Love
  • Hegel’s Thesis, Antithesis and Synthesis: an Expression Of Trialectics
  • Example One: Religion, Absolute Freedom, Self-Evident Shared Values
  • Example Two: Ecstasy, Pain, Transcendence
  • Trialectics in Chinese Philosophy: Beyond Yin and Yang
  • From Contradiction to Paradox: From Binary to Trialectics
  • Station Three: Hamtakah in the Lineage of Solomon: Beyond the Conventional Structures of Right and Wrong
  • The Micro-Vectors of Reality Are the Three Stations of Eros

CHAPTER 15    EXPRESSIONS OF THE THREE STATIONS OF EROS

  • Unique Sequences Disclose Unique Elements of Reality
  • Certainty, Uncertainty, Certainty
  • Sub-Sequence: Value Is Real, Value Is Not Real, Value Is Real
  • Uncertainty, Certainty, Uncertainty
  • Eros, Ethics, Eros
  • Goodness, Wholeness, Goodness
  • Wholeness, Goodness, Wholeness
  • Pre-Personal, Personal and Transpersonal
  • Story, Non-Story, Story
  • Separate Self, True Self, Evolutionary Unique Self
  • No Choice, Choice, Choiceless
  • Light, Darkness, Light
  • Wisdom, Foolishness, Wisdom
  • Laughter, Gravitas, Laughter
  • Innocence, Guilt, Second Innocence
  • Open, Closed, Open
  • Simplicity, Complexity, Second Simplicity
  • Binary Gender, Non Binary Gender, Unique Gender
  • No Purpose, Purpose, No Purpose; Being Becoming, Being
  • Autonomy and Communion: The Ever Deepening Spiral of the Evolution of Love

CHAPTER 16    PRE-TRAGIC, TRAGIC AND POST-TRAGIC LEVELS OF CONSCIOUSNESS

  • Towards a Post-Tragic Level of Consciousness

CHAPTER 17    THE EVOLUTION OF LOVE: FROM ROLE MATE TO SOUL MATE TO WHOLE MATE

  • Role mates: Submission of the Partners to Their Roles
  • Soul mates: Station Two of Relationship: Separation, Dis-Identification
  • Soul mate Relationship: From I Need You to I Choose You
  • Whole Mates: From Ordinary Love to Outrageous Love
  • The Next Step in the Evolution of Love
  • Role mate, Soul mate and Whole Mate Relationships With Life

CHAPTER 18    SHE COMES IN THREES: THE PRE-TRAGIC, TRAGIC, AND POST-TRAGIC IN ROLE MATE, SOUL MATE, AND WHOLE MATE

  • Whole-Mate Relationships Are Post-Tragic
  • Wholeness Becoming More Whole

PART FOUR: APPENDIX

  • UNCERTAINTY, CERTAINTY, HIGHER UNCERTAINTY
  • On the Relationship Between Questions and Answers in Religious and Secular Society
  • There is Heresy Which is Faith, and Faith Which is Heresy
  • In Response to Evil and Suffering
  • Holding Both Meanings of Torah in Response to Suffering: “Instructions for Living” and “To Search”
  • In the Face of Suffering: an Intimate Inquisition
  • The Wicked and the Wise and the One Who Does Not Know How to Question
  • The Covenantal Partnership Between the Human Being and God
  • Ivan in Dostoyevsky’s Brothers Karamazov: Heresy That is Faith
  • In the Depth of Uncertainty Is Certainty
  • The Certainty of Rage
  • Biblical Ayeh Stories: Grappling With God
  • Uncertainty, Certainty, Higher Uncertainty
  • Question, Answer, Higher Question
  • The Core Certainty of Self Allows Us to Hold Radical Uncertainty
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About the Authors:

Dr. Marc GafniDr. Marc Gafni is a leading public intellectual and teacher impacting the source code of global culture.

Gafni is a visionary thinker, social activist and passionate philosopher. He is known for his “source code teachings”, including Unique Self theory and the Five Selves, the Amorous Cosmos, A Politics of Evolutionary Love, A Return to Eros and Digital Intimacy.

He is author of twenty five books, of which the first ten have been published, including the award-winning Your Unique Self: The Radical Path to Personal Enlightenment.

He holds his doctorate in philosophy from Oxford University, as well as Orthodox rabbinic ordination.

He teaches on the cutting edge of philosophy in the West, helping to evolve a new ‘dharma’ or meta-theory of Integral meaning that is helping to re-shape key pivoting points in global consciousness and culture, with the aim of participating in the articulation of what Dr. Gafni together with Dr. Zak Stein and colleagues are calling CosmoErotic Humanism.

At the core of CosmoErotic Humanism is what Dr. Gafni and Dr. Stein are calling ‘First Principles and First Values’, Anthro-Ontology and a “Universal Grammar of Value”.

This is the ground of a new shared universe story and a new narrative of identity for the new human and the new humanity. This is what they are calling the emergence from Homo sapiens to Homo Amor.

This shared story rooted in First Principles and First Values can then serve as the matrix for a global ethos for a global civilization.

Gafni is considered by many to be a kind of Einstein of Philosophy who is leading a team of thinkers articulating a new vision of meaning for the world.

Dr. Gafni is the Co-Founder together with Ken Wilber and Sally Kempton of the Center for World Philosophy and Religion where he serves as its co-president. Together with Dr. Zak Stein, they are co-leading a team of thinkers, articulating a new vision of meaning for the world.

In 2014 Dr. Gafni co-initiated the Success 3.0 Summit and Rise Up movie, whose method and movement is to bring together key thought leaders and change-agents to collaboratively evolve a bold new Integral vision of Success, rooted in the entrepreneurial values of Wake Up, Grow Up, Show Up, and Outrageous Love.

Over the past 30 years, Dr. Gafni has developed evolutionary and activist programs rooted in his commitment to what he has termed “participating in the evolution of love.” Together with author and social innovator Barbara Marx Hubbard, he is working on a series of new works revolving around Evolutionary Spirituality.

Read more… 

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